Saturday, July 30, 2005


This makes too much sense.

From Jon Carroll of the San Fransisco Chronicle.

Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States. We are Unitarian Jihad. There is only God, unless there is more than one God. The vote of our God subcommittee is 10-8 in favor of one God, with two abstentions. Brother Flaming Sword of Moderation noted the possibility of there being no God at all, and his objection was noted with love by the secretary.

Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States! Too long has your attention been waylaid by the bright baubles of extremist thought. Too long have fundamentalist yahoos of all religions (except Buddhism -- 14-5 vote, no abstentions, fundamentalism subcommittee) made your head hurt. Too long have you been buffeted by angry people who think that God talks to them. You have a right to your moderation! You have the power to be calm! We will use the IED of truth to explode the SUV of dogmatic expression!

People of the United States, why is everyone yelling at you??? Whatever happened to ... you know, everything? Why is the news dominated by nutballs saying that the Ten Commandments have to be tattooed inside the eyelids of every American, or that Allah has told them to kill Americans in order to rid the world of Satan, or that Yahweh has instructed them to go live wherever they feel like, or that Shiva thinks bombing mosques is a great idea? Sister Immaculate Dagger of Peace notes for the record that we mean no disrespect to Jews, Muslims, Christians or Hindus. Referred back to the committee of the whole for further discussion.

We are Unitarian Jihad. We are everywhere. We have not been born again, nor have we sworn a blood oath. We do not think that God cares what we read, what we eat or whom we sleep with. Brother Neutron Bomb of Serenity notes for the record that he does not have a moral code but is nevertheless a good person, and Unexalted Leader Garrote of Forgiveness stipulates that Brother Neutron Bomb of Serenity is a good person, and this is to be reflected in the minutes.

Beware! Unless you people shut up and begin acting like grown-ups with brains enough to understand the difference between political belief and personal faith, the Unitarian Jihad will begin a series of terrorist-like actions. We will take over television studios, kidnap so-called commentators and broadcast calm, well-reasoned discussions of the issues of the day. We will not try for "balance" by hiring fruitcakes; we will try for balance by hiring non-ideologues who have carefully thought through the issues.

We are Unitarian Jihad. We will appear in public places and require people to shake hands with each other. (Sister Hand Grenade of Love suggested that we institute a terror regime of mandatory hugging, but her motion was not formally introduced because of lack of a quorum.) We will require all lobbyists, spokesmen and campaign managers to dress like trout in public. Televangelists will be forced to take jobs as Xerox repair specialists. Demagogues of all stripes will be required to read Proust out loud in prisons.

We are Unitarian Jihad, and our motto is: "Sincerity is not enough." We have heard from enough sincere people to last a lifetime already. Just because you believe it's true doesn't make it true. Just because your motives are pure doesn't mean you are not doing harm. Get a dog, or comfort someone in a nursing home, or just feed the birds in the park. Play basketball. Lighten up. The world is not out to get you, except in the sense that the world is out to get everyone.

Brother Gatling Gun of Patience notes that he's pretty sure the world is out to get him because everyone laughs when he says he is a Unitarian. There were murmurs of assent around the room, and someone suggested that we buy some Congress members and really stick it to the Baptists. But this was deemed against Revolutionary Principles, and Brother Gatling Gun of Patience was remanded to the Sunday Flowers and Banners committee.

People of the United States! We are Unitarian Jihad! We can strike without warning. Pockets of reasonableness and harmony will appear as if from nowhere! Nice people will run the government again! There will be coffee and cookies in the Gandhi Room after the revolution.

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Friday, July 29, 2005

Wow! I guess Ohio really is a Swing State.

Steve Gilliard has an interesting expose. Paul Hackett is a Democrat running against Republican Jean Schmidt. The Schmidt campaign has been running Hackett through the mud in usual Republican form. That is, "If we don't have a message worth selling, smear the crap out of our opponent!"

Schmidt's Campaign Manager, Joe Braun, evidently likes to play with the big boys. He has the unique email handle, "deanofcorn". It evidently comes from his time at a rag called "The Kernel".

The Dean of Corn, seems to be taking his moral road show onto the S&M websites.

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A new meaning for Bush-League

Given this regime's past practices, it is highly possible that Dubya will make a recess appointment for Congressional perjurer, John Bolton, to the UN.

Trudeau suggests that American Traitor, Karl Rove will get a promotion. After all, Daddy Bush's friends rewarded all of Dubya's failures.

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Monday, July 25, 2005

Grand Theft Hypocrites

First things first... The Lil' Puddle plays video games with a vengeance, but we don't play many video games in The Whirlpool. There haven't been any decent games since "Pong" and "Pac Man". So, we really don't a have a dog in this fight. But....

We couldn't help notice the incredible irony in this latest flap over Grand Theft Auto. It seems that a bunch of folk are getting their knickers in a knot because some ingenious hackers have figured out a way to hit the right buttons or download the right code and you can watch some boobies and some boinkin'. This has outraged some Wrong Wing groups.

The irony is that GTA is one of the most violent games out there. It has incident after incident of shooting police, running over pedestrians and generally causing havoc everywhere. This doesn't seem to bother the Wrong Wing as much as catching a peak at some unintended tits and/or luvin'. Go figure.

Isn't it equally ironic that when faced with the outrageous, corrupt, illegal, and national security threatening behaviors in the Bush Regime, we hear these same Wrong Wing Whackos, suggesting it's not so bad because of Bill Clinton?

Clinton was getting knob jobs in the Oval Office and didn't want his wife (and the American people) to find out. This is more outrageous to these people than the criminal, treasonous behavior in the Bush Regime, evidently because Dubya talks to God and he's willing to push for a Constitutional Amendment banning "ferbiddin luv"!

Grand Theft Auto Violence vs. Grand Theft Auto Sex...
Clinton Blow Jobs and lying vs. Bush the Younger's Iraq War, Plamegate leak, tax breaks for the wealthy, world class deficits, loss of jobs, world status decline.

Neither dichotomy makes sense.

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Friday, July 22, 2005

One of those stupid-assed emails that everyone else has probably read and forwarded on, but just came to The Whirlpool, AND, we liked it, doggonit!

Dear Red States...

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the entire Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue; you get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners)90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent think that Saddam was involved
in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Author Unknown in New California

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Thursday, July 21, 2005

Jimmy Carter's Words of Wisdom

"War may sometimes be a necessary evil. But no matter how necessary, it is always an evil, never a good. We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children."

An excerpt from his Nobel Speech.

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The Flip Flopper In Chief

It makes perfect sense to wear Flip Flops when meeting this President.

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Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Columbus takes on the NRA!

Ya gotta love this!

"The National Rifle Association speaks for a fringe number of extremists and not for any majority. To object to a community's value on life is one of the most arrogant actions the NRA has taken," said Toby Hoover, Executive Director of the Ohio Coalition Against Gun Violence. "It is astonishing that this extremist organization thinks it can bully and intimidate local lawmakers and municipalities that are working to reduce gun violence and address the threat of assault weapons on our streets."

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Sunday, July 17, 2005

Sen. Bill Frist, MD

Bill Frist is supposedly the chair of a web fund that will send an email update regularly regarding the Supreme Court nomination.

After his incredible display during the Schiavo debacle, it seems obviouss that the Senator would best serve the public by offering a diagnosis for every $100 donation.

"Just send in your picture or video along with $100 to Dr. Frist. He will take a look and get back to you as soon as possible, with precisely what the problem is. For an additional $50, "as soon as possible" gets sooner!"

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McClellan will go long before Rove

George W. Bush has difficulty functioning with Karl Rove pulling his strings; he would be completely disfunctional without Karl Rove.

The calls for Turd Blossom to be fired or resign will not, and should not, subside. However, watch this administration and its Republican operatives wield out one sacrificial lamb after another. The first lamb will be Scott McClellan.

Let's face it. He's completely expendable; a trained monkey can stand up there and say, "No comment!" or "I've already answered that" or "Love the tie, Mr. Gannon!" so they don't need him there. The White House will buy several months by throwing McClellan under the bus. Watch for it.

Turd Blossom, on the other hand is very much needed. Afterall, Dubya has not made a move without Rove scripting it for him first for the last 25 years.

Ken Mehlman (can this guy look anybody in the eye? He has shiftier eyes than Nixon), Chair of the RNC was on Meet the Press again. His defense was the classic Rovian offense: attack! He said several times, "these partisan attacks on a good man are and outrage!" He, as was scripted in the Republican Talking Points, imparted the unholy names of Kerry, Dean, and Hillary..... he added Reid and Schumer just in case he didn't make it partisan enough .... in the party-line game-plan of distraction.

If hacks like Melhman can keep the Russerts, Matthews, and some of the major print media focusing on Joe Wilson, or "these outragous partisan attacks", rather than the blatant falsehoods, fabrications, lying, and deciept, that have permeated this Regime and have become stereotypical of the Wrong Wing, they will win. They will keep Bush's Brain in place for a few more years and continue sending this nation's integrity and international respect into the same crapper they sent Texas.

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Thursday, July 14, 2005

Republican Top Dog admits they've been playing "the race card".

While members of the List of Wrong Wing Whackos, such as Limbaugh, Hannity, Coulter, and Savage, have been pretending that Democrats and liberals have been exploiting minorities in America, the Chair of the Republican National Committee finally admitted that Republicans were the ones actually doing it.

Good for him.

No one expects it will stop the race baiters in the Republican Party, but it's a start.

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Was Rove's traitorous leak responsible for the London Bombing?

We will have no way of knowing what former undercover CIA agent, Valerie Plame, would have discovered. Would information she developed have helped stop the London bombings? Who knows?
But, we do know Karl Rove outted her to Matt Cooper. We do know that Faux journalist, Robert Novak spread her name around the world.
The Wrong Wing is out in force trying to spin this, but the truth is: Rove betrayed a CIA Undercover agent's status. It doesn't matter if he has pictures of Dubya screwing a mule (Oh, wait, that's Christian Bomber Thug, Neil Horsely), he must have his security clearance revoked and he must be terminated.

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Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Karl (Turd Blossom) Rove must go!

On April 26, 1999 Dubya said, "Even though I'm a tranquil guy now at this stage of my life, I have nothing but contempt and anger for those who betray the trust by exposing the name of our sources. They are, in my view, the most insidious of traitors."

We agree.

A stopped clock is right twice a day and George Dubya Bush had to be right about something sooner or later. He's right about this.

Rove must go!

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More idocy from "Man/Dog" Santorum

"Man/Dog" is saying that liberalism causes rape. To this nimrod, the liberalism in Boston is the reason the Catholic priests were boinkin' little kids. He provides no theory as to why the Catholic priests in Texas or Iowa or Maine were doing a little boinkin' of their own, but facts have never been necessary for Rick Santorum.

This slime ball makes it too easy to be critical of the Wrong Wing. Some Wrong Wingers are sneaky and subtle. Man/Dog just says something really stupid and says, "You're welcome. Blog this, you Nazi, homo, blood sucking, Isuzu driver!"

What a jerk!

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Tuesday, July 12, 2005

100 Wrong Wing Whackos

This is the list, so far ... not in order of "the most or least whacked" btw.

Tom Delay
Bill Frist
Rush Limbaugh
Ann Coulter
Sean Hannity
George W. Bush
Bill O’Reilly
Rick Santorum
Michael Savage
Robert Novak
Karl Rove

Any suggestions for the list?

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I am a "Rove"ing gambler, I gamble all the time....

On this day in 1974, former Nixon White House adviser John D. Ehrlichman was convicted of a charge connected with his supervision of the "plumbers," a covert group aimed at stopping press leaks.

Hmmm... "connected" "covert" "stopping leaks"... I guess July 12th would be a good day to fire Karl Rove, if disgraced
Republican Administrations want to keep any consistency.

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Karl Rove is a Short-timer

Karl Rove has, in the RayGun tradition, "plausible deniability" in the Valerie Plame felony. After all, "I didn't know her name and didn't leak her name."

Sure, he danced around her, tapped her on the head, gave a *wink* *wink*, and put a horse head in her bed, but he "didn't know her name and didn't leak her name".

We don't think even someone as foolish as Dubya can let this one go. But, we've been amazed at many other things done by this regime.

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Monday, July 11, 2005

Alfred E. Bush

The Wrong Wing is getting desperate. They're jumping all over Hillary for comparing the first chimp to Mad Magazine's Alfred E. Neuman.
If you look at her quote, she said, "We're in a very dangerous fiscal situation, and this administration is Alfred E. Neuman - what, me worry?"

I think it was a great line. Hillary is working real hard in the Bill Clinton tradition of working the center. She has to let her base, we here on the left, have some fresh meat once in a while.

I'm glad to see another Democrat willing to stand up and raise hell with this administration. Howard Dean showed the way, and, hopefully, Hillary has seen the light and will let a few zingers rip. Harry Truman said, "If you give them a choice between a Republican and a Republican, they'll choose the Republican every time!" Dean and Clinton appear to be willing to act like Democrats.

You go girl! Now, how long will it be until Sean (How's my hair?) Hannity, or Ann (slobber... slobber) Coulter, are calling for a wimpy-assed apology? And, more importantly, will Hill give them one? Better not!

We'll be watching.

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Sunday, July 10, 2005

Another Republican Disaster you won't believe

Care to wager how many Democrats trying to look "tough on crime" will sign on to this fiasco? The Hillary watch starts now. When will she sign on in her Presidential remake?

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Political Capital

Slowly but surely, it appears that Dubya is losing some of that precious "political capital" he so coveted. His poll numbers are dropping so fast, they're almost lower than his IQ.

We are in the middle of a pre-ordained debacle, orchestrated by a bunch of ideologues with corporate interests at heart.

Mickey Herskowitz interviewed George W. Bush back in 1999 and has said this:

“He was thinking about invading Iraq in 1999,” said author and journalist Mickey Herskowitz. “It was on his mind. He said to me: ‘One of the keys to being seen as a great leader is to be seen as a commander-in-chief.’ And he said, ‘My father had all this political capital built up when he drove the Iraqis out of Kuwait and he wasted it.’ He said, ‘If I have a chance to invade….if I had that much capital, I’m not going to waste it. I’m going to get everything passed that I want to get passed and I’m going to have a successful presidency.”

How ignorant boobs can perpetuate the myth that this is all over "Terrrrrrr" and nothing else, is beyond any here at The Whirlpool.

These whackos have been pulling Dubya's strings for a long time. Let's hope the appearance that they've "over-reached" isn't a fluke.

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Friday, July 08, 2005

One Hundred Whackos

Bernard Goldberg wrote a lame Wrong Wing hose job called 100 people who are screwing ….. Al Franken is number 37 In this stupid book, he posts a Who’s Who of American Progressives. The book is nothing but a partisan douche bag.

So, we here at The Whirlpool thought we should have our own partisan spritzer. Here's you opportunity to contribute to the list of 100 Wrong Wing Whackos .
We’re not sure exactly where they would fall, but we know of a few people that should automatically be on the list.

How about:

Tom Delay
Bill Frist
Rush Limbaugh
Ann Coulter
Sean Hannity
George W. Bush
Bill O’Reilly!
Rick Santorum?

Who else should be on the list? Where do you think they should fall?

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Coulter: O'Conner - RayGun's biggest mistake?

Slobbering Ann Coulter doesn't know how to quit when she's behind. Now she says that Sandra Day O'Conner was RayGun's "biggest mistake".

We at The Whirlpool didn't always agree with Justice O'Conner, but we always thought she was a class act. Besides, if Annie's against her, we're for her!

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Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Novak at it again?

What a slime ball!

Novak is so slimey, he makes Coulter squirm. Posted by Picasa

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Monday, July 04, 2005

Who Created the Internet?

I believe the time has come to stake another claim in the name of all the people, stake a claim based upon the combined resources of communications. I believe the time has come to enlist the computer and the satellite, as well as television and radio, and to enlist them in the cause of education... So I think we must consider new ways to build a great network for knowledge-not just a broadcast system, but one that employs every means of sending and of storing information that the individual can rise.

Think of the lives that this would change:
--the student in a small college could tap the resources of a great university...
--the country doctor getting help from a distant laboratory or a teaching hospital;
--a scholar in Atlanta might draw instantly on a library in New York;
--a famous teacher could reach with ideas and inspirations into some far-off classroom, so that no child need be neglected. Eventually, I think this electronic knowledge bank could be as valuable as the Federal Reserve Bank.

And such a system could involve other nations, too--it could involve them in a partnership to share knowledge and to thus enrich all mankind.

A wild and visionary idea? Not at all. Yesterday's strangest dreams are today's headlines and change is getting swifter every moment.

I have already asked my advisers to begin to explore the possibility of a network for knowledge--and then to draw up a suggested blueprint for it.

In 1844, when Henry Thoreau heard about Mr. Morse's telegraph, he made his sour comment about the race for faster communication. "Perchance," he warned, "the first news which will leak through into the broad, flapping American ear will be that the Princess Adelaide has the whooping cough."

We do have skeptic comments on occasions. But I don't want you to be that skeptic. I do believe that we have important things to say to one another--and we have the wisdom to match our technical genius.

President Lyndon B. Johnson, Nov. 7, 1967

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Saturday, July 02, 2005

As always suspected, it was Turd Blossom!

So who are the 14 people left in America who didn't know it was this slimey piece of whale dung? Karl Rove finally outed.

Now watch as BubbleWrap Bush keeps him hanging on. You know, as long as we're on a Turd Blossom-Watch,

Turd (Karl Rove) Blossom Posted by Picasa

we won't be talking about Iraq. We won't be surprised at The Whirlpool to find out that it was always the flip side of Rove's plan in the first place.

A. If no one finds out, Wilson's wife is outed and the message to everyone is, "Don't mess with Bush or we'll bury you!".

B. If they find out, Turd Blossom stays on in the heat as long as possible to distract from the rest of BubbleWrap's inept policies.... and gets pardoned while the whole regime is on its way out the door.

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Friday, July 01, 2005

Supreme Resignation

Here We Go!

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